P is for

Peacefulness and presence. I greatly aspire to having a very boring 2023. Other than death and divorce, I’ve done about as much change as one can do in the past 15 or so months. And I’m tired. 🙂 And I’m ready to just be in a moment and enjoy it for what it is. Accept peace. Accept the now because I’m fully immersed in it–learn to let it be what it is.

I don’t aspire for perfection or poignant purpose. Just to be a part of the process of tuning into myself and the world around me more often than I usually have. 

I took a walk to my beach yesterday (they’re rather zippy with bridge access repairs as it turns out). I walked up the beach with headphones in and listened to critical role. I walked back down the beach with my headphones out and listened to the wind, breaking waves and the occasional bird. And it was just right.

I want to say that I’m not about goals or a “word” for the year. And, generally, I’m not. I have literally no idea what is in store for me next year – and I’m feeling a lot more passive about that after such a purpose driven 2022. I don’t want to wear a word like a burden or a pending failure to meet. I don’t want to call something a goal and miss out on anything that might come my way that’s good for me to experience because it doesn’t further my goal. But I’m pretty terrible at not working toward something. To that end, I’ve made a little list of things I want to try or meander around. Some of them are as broad as “explore” where I plan to tourist in my own backyard as it were. One was piano – online classes. I’ve dragged an 88 key electric piano around with me for over 15 years with a “I’ll learn to play better” and never have. So, I’m doing an online class and if by the holidays of 2023, I’m not regularly playing, I’m giving it away. Which is a total win-win in my world. I’m going to be patient in my integration into new england living and my little town.

Photo by Eilis Garvey on Unsplash

I’m going to write more both with more ,and less, purpose. Jot down some poetry when it suits me without concern for where or whether I’ll share it. Gather my thoughts around a more lengthy effort. I’m not sure what that is going to look like yet, but I’m stopping avoiding things that I know might prick a little but that will be so cathartic in the end.

Photo by Etienne Girardet on Unsplash

I also want to try my feet at walking more 🙂 To be a “walker” – not the ghostly kind. But the kind who knows the paths to the light houses and little beaches around my island. See earlier, “explore”.

All of those things seem like they’ll gently cajole me into being much more present. And through that I hope to experience a profound peacefulness. And acceptance of the experience, for whatever it is. An understanding and acceptance that I can’t actually impose my will on life and expect it to be just what I want. But to take things that are and accept the things from it that are useful to me and endeavor to leave the rest behind.

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